


Kids These Days

by houjunmai



Series: Fanfic Realm AU [2]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Gen, Meta, mentions of M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-26
Updated: 2012-01-26
Packaged: 2018-12-21 04:57:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11936781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/houjunmai/pseuds/houjunmai
Summary: One day, Aiba Masaki relates encountering and befriending a young lad while touring the hallways of the Realm of Fanfiction, and everyone in Arashi soon makes an awesome discovery.





	1. Boy Meets Arashi

**Author's Note:**

> This work was written for Ohno’s 31st, Aiba’s 29th, and Sho’s 30th birthdays and was originally posted on LJ in the last quarter of 2011 to early 2012, between 26th November and 25th January. Now being reposted in whole here on AO3 for MatsuJun’s 34th birthday along with the other Fanfic Realm AU works. Set after the events in The Other Green Room.

**— » — « —**

Everyday life in the Realm of Fanfiction seemed to go on more smoothly ever since the Mary Sue hacking incident a couple of months ago. Increased organization not only of the Stories but also of Characters was implemented to prevent another such incident, and some of the results of these rectifications had actually made life more interesting, especially for those who had daily dealings with the Realm.

Ohno Satoshi and the other Arashi members, as usual, were all working together in a lot of chapters that, even in the solo Stories that were normally the bane of one’s Realm existence, it was noticeable how the roles given to them had seemed less distressing and became more of a challenge. It no longer matters that half of their group Stories involved a lot of romancing and bromancing one another and that such anecdotes often led to having their memories wiped clean for the standard damage control; the fact that all five of them were enduring things together was enough for Riida to feel _almost_ thankful to be written off as a homosexual.

Even some of the solo Stories from that month were relatively interesting and easy to deal with, although Ninomiya Kazunari had sworn to take a little break from playing DS games outside of the Stories (nearly all of his roles had him play video game for hours), while Ohno himself had been plagued by visits from Kaibutsu-kun who, for some odd reason, kept on asking him for sketching tips. Meeting a character he portrayed on television had been very interesting, but Kaibutsu-kun’s incessant and energetic inquiries were starting to tax on Ohno’s artistic sensibilities that he had recently been on edge whenever the young prince randomly steps in like a hurricane inside the Other Green Room.

Sakurai Sho, meanwhile, was swimming along with his butler roles and has even met his _Nazotoki_ counterpart Kageyama—“He really makes some splendid tea, that one,” Sho had once mentioned to Ohno—when the detective-butler, at some point, made a guest appearance in one of the latest Sakuraiba chapters. Ohno had not been present when Sho brought back some of Kageyama’s freshly baked British scones, but he had heard from Nino who was the only fortunate individual who got to join Sho for tea time…of the Kageyama variety.

Probably the busiest out of the five was Matsumoto Jun, who resumed active roles in Het fics ever since the Real World announcement of Arashi and Inoue Mao being the hosts for Kouhaku. It had inspired the attempted revival of several dormant JunxMao-centered stories from the latter half of the _Hana Yori Dango_ fanfic boom, and Jun’s perfectionist tendencies were getting in the way of completing the Stories, as he had been absolutely incensed at how his roles have become so differently written from the earlier chapters. Ohno would have loved to point out that Stories that have been left hanging for a long time would definitely incur such inconsistencies, but he knew that Jun, of all people, knows that. He merely reasoned to himself that maybe Jun deserved to rebel against the Forces once in a while, since he had always been accommodating of whatever the Stories required of him before.

“Both Mao-chan and I are tired of flirting with each other by now,” Jun sighed one afternoon in the Other Green Room, leaning back on the armchair and closing his eyes out of fatigue. They were all done with their chapters for the day but everyone had stayed afterwards because the JE Department was having a dinner party and Arashi, along with the rest of the idol groups and talents under Johnny’s, were invited.

“It shouldn’t be that bad, should it?” Sho asked, elegantly sipping tea. It was a direct influence of Kageyama’s ‘Tea Time’, a habit that the idol had picked up rather quickly ever since he brought back the scones.

“I know it shouldn’t be, but there’s this one story where we really can’t understand what the writer wants us to do, so we’ve been going in circles every chapter,” Jun explained. “We’ve tried all the tricks we know, but The End just feels so far off that it has become frustrating to the point that I just don’t want to do it anymore.”

“If you’d like some fresh change, you could go on a tour with me, MatsuJun,” Aiba kindly offered. “Everyone is welcome to join, too.”

Aiba’s schedule was somewhat less crowded compared to the previous month because one of the writers of the multi-chaptered series where he had the lead role took an unexpected indefinite hiatus. The incident gave him more free time outside of the Stories he had with the rest of the members, even with the increased Sakuraiba and Aimiya ones. Because of that and his inquisitive nature, Aiba had embarked on several investigative tours within the Realm, and soon found he was getting more and more familiar with the various rooms and hallways and floors of the vast world. Mostly he was alone during these trips, although he had managed to convince Ohno to go with him on the one trip where they ended up meeting Kaibutsu-kun, and hence, the beginning of a weird acquaintance with (and random visits from) the young prince.

“Another trip?” Nino asked, pausing from reading a Fanfic guidebook. “But Jun-kun is busy, he can’t afford to get lost. And there’s the party later as well.”

“He won’t get lost, we’ll all be with him,” Aiba assured, cutting off Jun’s attempt to react at what seemed like Nino’s insinuation that Arashi’s youngest member has an awful sense of direction.

“Allow me to correct myself,” Nino answered, setting Jun’s mind at rest with a meaningful look, and the latter immediately understood that Nino was only taking advantage of the opportunity to, what else, tease Aiba. “I meant to say that you can’t afford to get all of us lost and be a special nuisance to Jun-kun’s schedule.”

“Now hold on a minute right there,” Aiba said somewhat defensively. “I, for a good reason, am definitely confident about roaming this floor and the next three floors above us, and that’s where I’m planning to take everyone.”

“Eh? So you know where each and every passage leads to in this floor?” Sho asked, looking ready to be impressed.

“Well, no…”

“More like the main hallways and general portals, am I right?” Nino guessed.

“But at least I know the way to Hogwarts!”

Up until recently, Aiba had discovered several portals leading to other worlds and alternate realities, but with the vastness of the Realm, he had to yet encounter the same reality twice. An exception was the Harry Potter universe, the way to which Aiba took special care to memorize. Ohno knew that for some reason Aiba had to go there several times, although he and the other members have yet to ask about it.

“You’re taking us to see Hogwarts?” Jun asked with a bit more interest.

“I had thought of it, but I think it’s better for us to go there on another tour instead. I actually wanted all of you to meet Masashi, ‘cause he promised to show me something interesting,” was the reply.

“Masashi?”

Because it was a place where nearly every indigenous individual has been imbibed with the essence of Perfect Timing for Plot Purposes (the rest of the population, on the other hand, had Terrible Timing), a light knock was suddenly heard before a voice announced, “I’m coming in!” and the door opened. Based on Aiba’s reaction, it seemed like the individual in question has actually arrived right on the clock to personally make his greetings to the group and save Aiba the effort of providing details.

“Masa-kun! I’m glad you made it today,” Aiba enthusiastically greeted the young lad who appeared at their door, rising from his seat to let him inside the room.

“Thanks! I got off early from sax practice this afternoon,” Masashi answered with equal zest. He then turned to the rest of Arashi’s members and smiled brightly, and all four were strangely, and in fact strongly, reminded of Aiba. Masashi was somewhat tall for his age, lean and athletic, and Nino was almost ready to gamble on his life savings that the lad does not know how to wink.

“Masa-kun, I’d like you to meet Oh-chan, Sho-chan, Nino and MatsuJun…” Aiba began, “and everyone, meet Masashi-kun.”

“Good afternoon! It feels really great to finally meet all of you,” Masashi answered, looking positively thrilled. Sho was instantly alarmed, for the young lad’s countenance sorely reminded him of the reaction of Mary Sues upon meeting him for the first time.

“Nice to meet you, Masashi-kun,” Sho’s recently acquired extra-formality-from-being-a-butler took over and answered automatically for etiquette’s sake, even though he sincerely wished to remain quiet until he figured out the nature of Aiba’s acquaintance.

Not that Sho could be blamed, no. Aiba was notorious for befriending almost everyone in the Realm without taking standard precautionary measures. His friendliness sometimes resulted in associating with Mary Sues, whom everyone knew could instantly turn obsessive and clingy and generally stalker-like; and Sho, having developed a certain aversion to their breed, often suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder during occasions wherein Aiba accidentally led the pretty-but-perfectly-annoying ladies back to the Green Room even after finishing a chapter.

“It is certainly nice to meet you, Masashi-kun, but Aiba-san, you have yet to tell us what he’s here for, you know,” Jun pointed out.

“Or how you met him…or where…or why…,” Ohno added.

As if they’re of the same mind, Masashi and Aiba answered the questions in rapid fire succession.

“I’m here for the tour,—”

“I met him last week in the hallways,—”

“Although I don’t really know why we met, do you?” the pair finished in unison, consulting one other as if one of them could actually give an answer.

“Wow, they’re quite in sync, aren’t they?” Ohno muttered to Sho.

“Obviously they met in a hallway,” Nino sighed, and Jun managed not to snort before adding, “Half the people he’s brought here are random hallway acquaintances anyway.”

Masashi had heard Jun’s comment and giggled breathily, “They are, aren’t they?”

“Oi, I heard that,” Aiba responded, but with a little laugh when he realized how eccentric his social contacts made him seem to be. “But this time is special because Masa-kun is special, you know.”

Masashi blushed at the distinction, his hand reflexively reaching for the back of his head and not knowing how else he ought to respond.

“It’s true,” Aiba insisted, beaming at Masashi in such a way that the others started wondering how the lad was so special to merit such a response from the idol…with Sho looking particularly worried.

“I don’t get it,” Nino said. “Are you related to each other or what?”

“Eh? Haven’t I told anyone yet?” Aiba asked, wearing a surprised expression identical to that of Masashi.

“Told everyone what exactly?”

“Geez, Dad,” Masashi gently chided Aiba, poking the man on one arm. “I’ll redo the introduction, okay?”

“Did he just—?” Nino started saying, but was cut off by Masashi’s eager voice.

“Hello, everyone from Arashi. My name is Aiba Masashi, Aiba Masaki’s eldest son. It’s very pleasant to meet all of you!”

After a full minute of stunned silence, Sho was the first to speak. “Why, that’s…wow.”

**— » — « —**


	2. Arashi Goes On a Trip

**— » — « —**

“You have got to be kidding me,” Matsumoto Jun muttered out of sheer shock, his slack-jawed countenance perfectly reflecting those of his band mates.

The revelation of Arashi’s latest guest, who calls himself Aiba Masashi, as Aiba Masaki’s eldest son has left the idol group nothing less than bewildered. And Aiba having learned of this in the past week and managing to keep it from them without raising any suspicions was, without question, extraordinary. Looking back, Ohno Satoshi thought there was certainly nothing about Aiba’s behaviour that could indicate his keeping a secret from them, especially one so grave such as this. Even his current expression of polite curiosity at their astonishment hardly betrayed any guilt or nervousness at being found out. In fact, he actually thought he had told them about it before.

“Then,” Ohno began slowly, “—Aiba Junior??”

Everyone was still seated on the lengthy couch just like earlier, but nearly everyone seemed on the edge for some reason. The culprits of this tension, Aiba and Masashi, were cheerfully installed on a pair of armchairs, looking like they’re having the time of their lives, until Ohno’s latest words had jolted them…with accompanying implication.

“Aiba…Junior?” Masashi repeated, turning to his father for clarification. Aiba looked blank for a second until it dawned on him…and he blushed to the roots of his hair.

“Since when did you have a son?” Sakurai Sho asked incredulously, a little scandalized.

“Since when did you have an _eldest_ son?!” Ninomiya Kazunari asked more incredulously, a little more scandalized.

“Hold on, you’re getting it wrong!” Aiba answered, and Masashi, instantly getting what they were referring to (as everyone seemed to come to that very single conclusion about his kind), frantically nodded his agreement.

“It’s true that I’m Dad’s son, but there’s no way I’d be a genuine _fruit of his loins_ ,”—and Sho sputtered and choked, making him lunge for his teacup—“and besides, I don’t have a Mom anyway, so that’s just impossible,” Masashi tried explaining…to no avail. Apart from choking sounds dying down, the members merely blinked in their confusion.

“How do we go about explaining this?” Aiba asked, almost to himself. “For starters, I’d like to clarify that I don’t have illegitimate offspring in the Real World, okay?”

The others calmed down at this assurance, and the tension broke, although it was clear they were waiting for Aiba to go on with his explanation.

“Masa-kun here, you see, is…what’s he called?—a ‘Fictional Representation of the Offspring of One Such Aiba Masaki of Arashi’. Ne, Masa-kun?”

“Yeah, and you can also call me FROOS-Aiba-Masaki-Arashi—that’s with capitals F-R-O-O-S—, which is my file code name, but everyone says it’s a real bother, so I’m called Aiba Masashi instead,” Masashi added.

“FROOS…gimme a break,” Nino muttered under his breath. And to cover it up, he thus asked, “So what you meant by not having a Mom is because you’re not really…I mean, you weren’t born in this world the same way we were?”

“Right, Kaz—Ninomiya-san,” Masashi readily agreed, his tone becoming a little hesitant at the ‘Ninomiya-san’ part.

Sensing this, Nino raised a brow but didn’t press the matter, for Sho had spoken up.

“If that’s the case, how did you…er, exist?”

“In almost the same way as how the Mary Sues existed, Sh—Sakurai-san,” answered the lad.

“How do Mary Sues exist anyway?” Jun pondered. “Do you mean you were written in a Story?”

Masashi nodded. “The difference is that I do not exist solely as a character in a Story, but as the only character for Dad’s child however he or she may be written. That is to say, I was conceptualized.”

“I still don’t get it,” Jun replied. “Are you saying that for every Story written with Aiba having a child, in whichever gender and whatever name or age, you’re the one that steps in for that role?”

“Exactly! As expected from Jun-occha—ah!” Masashi gasped. His mortified look, coupled with the act of quickly covering his mouth with both hands, indicated an unwelcome slip of the tongue. Indeed, Jun’s prominent eyebrows instantly went up at the implication that Masashi must have been calling him ‘Jun-occhan’ for a long time already.

To his son’s rescue, Aiba said, “He can’t help but refer to all of you as uncles, you know.”

“I never really said anything about it, did I?” Jun inquired, wondering at the defensiveness of the moment.

“Oh,” Masashi blinked. He visibly relaxed, and added sheepishly, “It’s the, uh, you know…,” The lad almost made the fatal mistake of gesturing toward the eyebrows but fortunately thought better of it. “So it’s okay to call all of you that way?”

A round of assent went throughout the room, and both Masashi and Aiba giggled in harmony.

Ohno had a thoughtful expression when he asked, “Do I also have this…FROOS?”

Masashi brightened at the inquiry and answered, “Yes, Sato-occhan! In fact, each of you has one, and just like Dad, I’m great friends with all of them!”

“I knew it,” Nino said with a self-satisfied air. “I bet my FROOS is named Yamato or Kazuya or Wakana or Takeshi or something.”

The lad turned to his father and audibly confided, “Dad, it’s amazing. Yama-chan has always told us that Kazu-occhan would figure out his names, you know.”

“You know, you’re free to call me witty and clever too, Masa-chan,” the gamer grinned smugly.

“And here we all thought Ohno’s the one who likes _fishing_ ,” Sho sighed with mock long-suffering.

“Yes, it is painfully obvious that I love compliments, isn’t it?”

“Sure, Kazu.”

Whatever Sho’s reservations against Masashi’s nature were already assuaged by the fact that Aiba wasn’t having anything more than a paternal bond with the young man, despite the difference in age which seemed a little…off.

“How come you look a little too old to be Masaki’s son?” Sho asked the boy.

“I don’t know, Sho-occhan, except the way I look right now seems to be the general image of Dad’s child in Stories of the Realm lately. Actually, compared to last year, I’ve grown younger, but then the year before that, I was a seven year old girl named Masako. And whenever I’m in stories, I’m sure to change as well you know.”

“You’re not bothered by the gender switches?”

“Not really, no. I’m rather androgynous, you see. And more than anything, I’m a concept so gender does not really have any relevance apart from interpretation.”

“You said you’re taking us to a tour with Masashi as a guide,” Jun asked Aiba, leaving Sho to further interrogate the lad on FROOS philosophy. “Is he then taking us to see our own FROOS?”

“That’s what I’m guessing, too,” Aiba said carefully. “Masa-kun, are you taking us to see them?” he said above their little conversation, which the boy answered with the affirmative.

“Them…you mean the other FROOS?” Sho figured, looking rather delighted.

“Dad, I got the cloaks, by the way,” Masashi then said as he stood up from the armchair. He pulled a little pouch hanging about his neck and gave it to Aiba.

“Ooh, neat, mokeskin containing Invisibility Cloaks! Thanks, Masa-kun!”

Jun whirled towards Aiba, comprehension on his face which was turning livid with growing envy. “Invisibility Cloaks? Harry Potter Invisibility Cloaks?! You’ve been going to Hogwarts on your own and borrowing HARRY POTTER INVISIBILITY CLOAKS?!!!”

Aiba, suddenly finding himself collared by the normally calm Jun, realized with horror that the other was excessively reacting to anything Potter-related, having taken a swig of Super Otaku Essence for a role that morning. He fumbled for an explanation—“Only for hallway use, I swear,” was Aiba’s helpless whimper.

“MatsuJun,” Ohno said simply.

“Oh.” Jun blinked the dark aura away and let go of his friend. He remained sulky though, the prominent eyebrows still wrinkled dangerously near one another.

Aiba grinned, pulling out the Harry Potter special item and wrapping it around Jun’s shoulder, fastening the clasp by the neck. The rest of the idol’s body disappeared underneath the cloak. “I’ll take you with me next time I go there, ne?” he bribed, wiggling both eyebrows at his friend and wisely thinking that he wouldn’t be held for such a promise as soon as the Super Otaku Essence wears off.

“Hmph,” Jun’s floating head huffed in an almost unrecognizable approval before pulling the hood over his face and disappearing from the room completely.

“Is that what you visit Hogwarts for, Masaki?” Sho began to ask, realizing how often Aiba had mentioned ‘Hogwarts’ in the past few weeks. Nino had next taken to the cloaks and was fastening one for his own use, while a third cloak started floating towards Ohno and wrapping itself around the leader.

“Yep, I bumped into James Potter and Sirius Black one day and they let me borrow one of the many cloaks in their AU when I told him why I needed to lurk in the shadows. I’ve been using the cloak for a while now, and they’re really great for hiding from Mary Sues.”

“Now I get why he’s able to roam the halls without getting mobbed,” Nino muttered as he reached for the hood and turned invisible soon after.

“How come we didn’t use this when you took me touring the last time?” Ohno asked while the clasps of his cloak clipped shut, as if magically on their own and without Jun’s deft fingers working on them.

“Well, I heard beforehand that the Mary Sues had scheduled a chick flick marathon that day so it was relatively safe to roam the hallways unsupervised for a couple of hours,” Aiba sheepishly answered.

“Ahh…hahaha.”

One by one, the members of the idol group turned invisible as they fumbled for the clasps and hoods of the world-renowned Invisibility Cloaks of the Harry Potter fame, until The Other Green Room suddenly seemed devoid of human activity.

“Now what?” Nino’s disembodied voice called to no one in particular.

“We follow Masashi, of course,” Aiba replied confidently.

“Er…I can’t see him,” Ohno mumbled audibly.

“I’m right here!” Masashi piped up instantly, raising his hand. A nanosecond glimpse of an arm had them turning in its general direction. “Everyone, please form a single line towards the door and place a hand on the shoulder of the person in front of you.”

Now everyone felt this methodology was fundamentally erroneous, yet most of them shrugged off the nagging feeling. They were rather very curious and too excited to see their own version of Fanfic children that any additional analysis was easily put on the back burner. And being in a Realm which dealt with so much nonsense and silly truths, the exercise of logic had, unfortunately, been less of practice and more of theory. Thus, everyone headed for the door to follow the lad’s instruction with nary a second thought. Soon—

“Ow, my foot!”

“Oi, watch where you’re going!”

“If I could see you, I would—,”

“—Ouch! That was my eye, you idiot!”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t see—,” and the painful sound of a leg colliding with the coffee table followed by a howl so eerily agonizing prompted everyone to pause in their tracks and breathe.

“I knew we shouldn’t have listened to the genius and his offspring,” Nino finally grumbled.

**— » — « —**


	3. Arashi Meets Twenty-Five Cute

In the end, Arashi had to postpone the FROOS tour because Sakurai Sho had crashed his leg on the coffee table and was in no way fit to roam the corridors even under the protective shield of the Invisibility Cloaks. Instead, the idol group had spent the rest of the afternoon fussing over Sho’s injury until he was well enough to attend the JE Department dinner party as was the original plan.

Luckily for them, Sho did not have to suffer long. The Trainee from the Mary Sue incident had chanced upon the group that day because he was on the planning committee making rounds in checking if the guests were ready. He was more than happy to help them out, teaching Sho how to ‘will away’ the pain of his injury.

“I’d be more impressed if we could do the same to psychological injuries,” Ninomiya Kazunari griped. He was feeling a little ungrateful due to the disappointment in not getting to see their fictional offspring. And the feeling was unanimous, as even Aiba Masaki who had spent the afternoon with his FROOS,—the lad named Masashi,—felt really miserable in not meeting the other Realm denizens of Masashi’s kind. Even Matsumoto Jun with the Super Otaku Essence still in full gear in his system looked more dejected about their postponed trip rather than the postponed use of the prized Harry Potter cloaks.

Any other mention of the fictional Arashi kids wasn’t until the following week when the group chanced upon another set of coinciding free times. The Yama pair had just returned from their latest Story, wherein the chapter had ended with the news that Ohno Satoshi was about to yet again become the father of Mama!Sho’s baby. They were discussing the FROOS as they went back to the Green Room and Aiba perked up when he realized what they were talking about.

“Can’t we go today?” he ventured excitedly.

It took just that for the members to quickly organize the trip before all the Realm work ends up done and they were sent back.

Nino was adamant in utilizing the friendly assistance of the Trainee because Masashi was not informed beforehand and they were without a guide. Jun was in agreement that the Trainee surely knew better in dealing with stray Sues and hallway security, and assuaged Aiba’s disappointment over everyone not being able to ‘lurk in the hallways with style’ by reminding him that they could simply go again some other time.

Thus it was how Arashi, after a mini journey through a labyrinth of hallways, staircases and doors, finally arrived to a corridor where the Trainee led them through the double doors at the end. They opened to a living room much like their Green Room.

“We’re back?” Aiba mumbled.

“Oh, no, Aiba-san,” the Trainee chuckled. “This is just the living room for the FROOS quarters. There’s the passage to the kitchen and dining room, then those doors lead to their bedrooms, their classrooms, games room and their entertainment area. That sliding door leads to the gardens and hot springs.”

“Hot springs? Wow,” Sho breathed.

“The powers of Fiction, I’m sure,” Nino said.

“Exactly, Ninomiya-san,” agreed the Trainee. He led them further in the living room and invited them to sit. He then peeked through the dining area.

“I guess they’re having outdoor recess,” he told them afterwards, after checking the other rooms. “Anyway, they should be done soon, so I believe you won’t have to wait long.” Glancing at his watch, he added, “I need take my leave now, but please don’t hesitate to call for me again if you need help. Enjoy!”

And he was gone, leaving them parked on the living room furniture.

“Enjoy?” Ohno repeated. “Does he mean we can take a dip in the hot springs?”

“Enjoyable indeed,” Aiba said.

“I’m going to take a nap while waiting,” Nino said decidedly, curling up on the sofa.

But Nino didn’t have to wait long, for a couple of voices could be heard approaching. The door to the garden slid open and Masashi entered, accompanied by another boy. This boy was carrying a toddler barely more than a year of age.

“I don’t think it will be proper for us to just barge in without prior notice and drag them out for a tour,” the boy was saying. “They are, of course, welcome to see us anytime they want, but they’re as busy with Stories as with idol work in the Real World.”

“They had wanted to see us the last time I went,” Masashi answered. “I only wish to check if it can be scheduled, you know? Oh damn, the door is stuck.”

The pair appeared not to have seen the intruders in their living room, and continued to discuss visiting Arashi and vice versa while Masashi struggled to close the door. The men, on the other hand, sat still as mice, watching the young ones until the little boy being carried said—

“Pa~!”

“Hm?” The boy looked at his charge. “I know, Shoichi, I want to see Dad, too.”

“Chaa~!”

“Chaa?”

“Dad!” Masashi exclaimed as he turned around. Aiba had bounced out of his seat to approach them. Masashi met him halfway, the pair excitedly jumping up and down at their reunion. The other boy passed father and son until he stopped in front of a surprised Sho, giving him the quickest bow possible for someone carrying a toddler and saying, “Dad! You’re here!”

Sho stood up and looked carefully at the boy’s face, gasping at the sight of his own grin being flashed at him, which he could not help but return. “Well, hi! What’s your name?” he asked, rather dazed with pleasant surprise.

“I’m Sakurai Sora,” he answered proudly, and remembering the little boy he was carrying, he gestured, “And this is—,”

“Ahh, he’s so cute!” Aiba suddenly exclaimed.

Before Sho could learn more about the toddler, Aiba had gone to take him from Sora to gush at his cuteness. The three other members also gathered about to fawn over the giggling toddler, while Masashi rushed back out the garden.

“Masa-nii is fetching the others,” Sora answered Sho’s inquiring look. “We’ve been so excited last time when he told us you all were coming to visit, but I guess you must have hit your leg real hard, right, Dad?”

“Sadly, being invisible actually made me blind to my surroundings too,” Sho replied wryly, and Sora laughed.

The door slid open and got stuck again as Masashi returned with two boys, both a couple of years younger. One of the boys had such a serene countenance that it was impossible not to be instantly reminded of Ohno, while the other had Nino’s tongue-in-cheek attitude as he called out, “Yo, Papa!”

“Yo!” Nino answered in his equally jarring voice, matching that of the boy he instantly recognized to be his fictional son.

“Let me introduce our two youngest members, Ohno Takumi-kun and Ninomiya Yamato-kun,” Masashi presented, and they bowed politely before the Arashi members.

“Megumi-nee is still held up by the kids,” Takumi added in his slurred diction.

“Megumi-nee?” Sho repeated.

“Matsumoto Megumi,” the Ohno FROOS clarified, with a glance at Jun. “She’s in-charge of recess and helping the kids with drying out their clay pots today.”

“Ahh—I forgot about the SK!” Yamato suddenly exclaimed, and was about to return to the garden when the chiding voice of a teenage girl was heard through the open door.

“Kazuki! Tomoya!”

Moments later, two young boys, both about eight years old, ran in from the garden. Yamato lunged for the first, but the kid laughingly manoeuvred just out of reach—and valiantly crashed onto Jun, who grabbed on to steady the child on his feet. The other had stopped in his tracks when he saw who had caught his cohort. He then broke into a sleepy grin and said, “Occhan!”

“Tomoya, I told you and Kazuki not to run right after eating, didn’t I?” the girl went on scolding as she followed the two boys, carrying a girl toddler. Upon entering the room, however, she also stopped in surprise—her features mirroring that of the surprised Jun the moment they saw one another.

“Daddy!” she said, all irritation flying out of her countenance. The boy who had crashed onto Jun, realizing that the man had become his rescuer, slyly clung to him and motioned for his partner to do the same. This antic didn’t escape the girl’s attention, and she momentarily narrowed her eyes at her naughty charges before the toddler in her arms squealed and reached out for Jun with her stubby arms.

“I had a feeling you would be a girl,” Jun told Megumi, laughing a little at the two boys clinging to him and a third one gurgling for his attention. He, awkwardly at first, gently pinched his fictional daughter’s cheek and then gingerly held out his arms for the little one. Megumi, grinning at the recognition, handed the toddler over without hesitation.

“I’m Matsumoto Megumi, and this is Murasaki,” she said as the toddler rested her head on Jun’s shoulder, apparently satisfied with her current place.

“Are all of them his, too?” Sho asked in wonder at the boys animatedly seeking refuge from Jun.

“Not these two,” Yamato said, reaching out again for the first boy, who had dramatically called out to the group, “Papa! I’m Kazuki!” He then pulled his partner away from Jun and escaped through one of the doors. Megumi sighed and went after them, muttering, “Not the games room again…”

“Both mine, I think,” Nino said, apparently pleased at the children’s brazen antics, especially Kazuki. “But the other one might be yours, Taka.”

Ohno, who now carried the first toddler, chuckled in agreement. He added, “This one feels a lot like Sho-chan’s, but at the same time mine.”

“His name is Sakurai Shoichi,” Takumi explained. “He’s my and Sora-niichan’s half-brother, so he’s definitely got much of you in him, Papa. I mean, because you’re his mother.”

Ohno nearly dropped the little boy, while Jun thought that he had heard wrong. “Mother? Riida is his _mother?!_ ”

“Yeah,” Takumi garbled almost incoherently. “You know, when there’s Mpreg and Papa’s the one who gets knocked up by Sho-ojisan.”

“Whaat?!” the Yama pair chorused. Sho sputtered, “You mean, there are FROOSes for our pairings?!”

“Sure, Dad,” Sora answered with a laugh. “Where do you think all your smut and pregnancies lead to? But they’re not FROOSes, they’re FROSPs; short for ‘Fictional Representation of the Offspring of Such Pairing as’—for example, Yama. Shoichi’s file name is FROSP-Sakurai-Ohno-Arashi, if I remember correctly.”

“But you said Ohno is his mother,” Sho argued. “I know for certain that I’m the one who often gets pregnant in Yama Stories.”

“Ah, that’s covered by Ohno Kaito, Shoichi’s full brother. He’s the FROSP-Ohno-Sakurai,” was Sora’s answer, gesturing vaguely towards the garden where the rest of the kids were. “Those earlier troublemakers are also FROSPs. Ohno Tomoya and Ninomiya Kazuki, our resident Ohmiya SK, are for Ohmiya and Aimiya, respectively. The other Ohmiya FROSP is Ninomiya Chisato, and then Kazuki’s full brother is Aiba Yoshiya.”

“Do they actually call us ‘Mama’?” Aiba asked, warming up to the idea.

“If you’d like to meet them and find out, I could call everyone in,” Masashi offered.

“Neat!”

“I think I’m going crazy,” said Jun, who was still carrying the little girl. He collapsed on the sofa beside Nino.

“Nah, we’re in this messed up Realm.” Nino pointed out, lightly squeezing the toddler’s fists with a smile. “You know, Murasaki has some Riida in her too. A Juntoshi FROSP, you think?”

“Possibly,” Jun replied and curiously made the toddler face him at arm’s length. “Murasaki, you’re not going to call me ‘Mama’, are you?”

“Papa~” Murasaki answered, reaching out for him again.

“Yay,” Jun said and gave the little girl’s cheek a grateful kiss.

**— » — « —**


	4. One Really Big Happy Family

**— » — « —**

About fifteen other kids entered the living room with Masashi and before the Arashi members realized it, they were surrounded by children whose age range spanned from early childhood to adolescence, all of them calling out ‘Daddy’ or ‘Papa’ and no longer to their surprise, ‘Mommy’ or ‘Mama’. Several kids had clamoured for Aiba Masaki’s attention, especially after he had acquiesced to one little girl’s request of riding on his shoulders. The other men couldn’t help but provide the same attention to the children who had come to them, especially when they were very curious about which child belongs to whom.

Megumi had finally caught the two mischievous pair and handed them over to Yamato. “Are they alright with meeting the rest of the kids this way?” she asked, giving the group a worried glance. Matsumoto Jun had mischievously handed Murasaki over to her ‘mother’ in order to accommodate other children; Ohno Satoshi now had two toddlers half-strangling him while he amusedly watched a six-year-old sing and do the dance routine of _Kaibutsu-kun_ for him.

“They seem to be comfortable with it, at any rate,” Yamato shrugged, “but I guess it’s better to put the kids in art class with Takumi first so we can show our dads around for the mini-tour.”

“Have Sora-nii gather them in the classroom then,” Megumi said before going off to help out Ohno with the toddlers. “Satoshi-jisan, are you okay? I can carry Murasaki for you,” she said, sitting beside him. And addressing the dancing kid, she added, “Tomoki, it’s time for art class. Can you get Shoichi and hand him over to Sora-nii?”

“Okaaaay!” and the boy carefully carried off his half-brother across the room. Sora gladly received the flailing boy and Tomoki scampered in the direction of the classrooms.

“He’s a really lively kid,” Ohno said, pertaining to Tomoki. “Is he mine and Aiba-chan’s?” he asked, handing the little girl to her older sister.

“Yep,” Megumi answered, “Masaki-jisan is the mother, that’s why he’s twice as energetic when it comes to dancing. His brother Aiba Yoshinori is as lively as he is, but that boy spends most of his free time exploring the garden for fauna and sketching the carps in the pond instead.”

Ohno laughed. “And Murasaki?”

“She’s a Matsumoto, and you’re her mother. Then you see the boy with the gelled up hair, the one with the glasses? That’s the other Juntoshi FROSP, Ohno Saigo. He’s the one who calls you Papa, and my Daddy is his mother. He’s rather obsessed with carving.”

After a while, all the FROSPs except the toddlers had settled in the classroom, listening to Takumi’s garbled instructions on paper mache while the fathers (or mothers) looked on. After leaving final pointers, Takumi left the front of the room, and showed the Arashi members some of the displayed artworks on the walls and the back area. Ninomiya Kazunari nudged Aiba and pointed at the scribbles on the board, some of which looked strikingly like the Sakurai Sho’s famous drawing style on television. They both suppress their laughter.

“We hold several classes; from morning until afternoon, like art, calligraphy, cooking, music and dance, and random other things,” Sora explained. “I teach them calligraphy; Takumi is in charge of art, Megumi presides over cooking, Yamato teaches music and Masashi-nii teaches PE and all the other random stuff.”

Sora slid the door open at the back of the room and led them to the play area, where there were beanbags and a lot of toy chests; their contents strewn about. Yamato and Megumi put Shoichi and Murasaki down among the toddler-safe toys and Aiba, Nino and Jun immediately joined to play with them.

Aiba suddenly giggled when he glanced at the art class; he had noticed that Kazuki obviously wasn’t doing any paper mache. He was shuffling a deck of cards while Tomoya and Yoshiya looked on. “Ne, Nino. It would be fun if we could be in a Story with those kids, wouldn’t it?” he said.

“In case we couldn’t, you got to have those Invisibility Cloaks ready all the time,” Nino replied with a chuckle, watching as Kazuki’s mild sarcasm caused Yoshiya to burst into tears and call for his ‘Mama’. The blubbering little boy rushed towards Nino for comfort.

“Mama, Kazu-nii is mean!”

“There, there, Yoshiya. See, here’s Papa!” and the clever man nudged the crying boy towards Aiba, who immediately hugged and petted him. “Oi, Kazuki!” Nino then called out in a commanding voice.

“Coming, Papa!” and unperturbed despite the Nino’s tone, Kazuki ran towards him. Tomoya took this chance to abandon the cards and take one of his other finished artworks to show to Ohno.

“Know any magic tricks?” Nino asked as soon as the boy had eagerly squeezed between him and Jun. Kazuki instantly brightened at the question, so leaving them to their bonding session, Jun scuttled over to welcome three kids who had similarly abandoned their art in order to play with him.

“Papa!” the girl who had ridden on Aiba’s shoulders called as they approached him, and all three kids clamoured for his embrace.

“So all of you are mine, huh?” Jun asked rhetorically as he each gave them a hug. “What are your names?”

“I’m Matsumoto Haru!” the girl piped up. The boy next to her instantly added, “I’m Matsumoto Sou!”

“I’m Domyoji Tsubasa!” the third one said proudly, waving a jumbo puzzle piece.

“No, you’re a Matsumoto, too!” Haru immediately countered. “Matsumoto Tsubasa!”

“But Shoya-nii told me I was named after Domyoji Tsukasa,” Tsubasa stoutly defended his claim.

“Tsubasa, don’t you remember? Yamato-nii said that Shoya-nii is half a sail boat, so he gets a lot of things wrong,” Sou explained, and Jun fought off a laugh. The boy turned to his father and said in a lowered tone, “Come to think of it, Tsubasa is half a sail boat too, isn’t he, Papa?”

“Fail boat, Sou-chan, not sail boat,” Jun gently corrected. “And if by that you mean they’re half a Sakurai, then I think you’re right,” he added in a conspiratorial whisper, for Sho was nearby to fetch Shoichi, possibly for a Sakurai gathering. Sou laughed and both Haru and Tsubasa insisted to know what it was about.

“I don’t know who the other Matsumiya and Junba FROSPs are,” Jun said aside to Megumi, who sat nearby playing peek-a-boo with Murasaki.

“Hmm, Ninomiya Kazuhime is over there with Aiba Masahiko,” Megumi pointed at a pair of kids playing with Aiba. “They’re rather inseparable and they’re cute in that way, but they sometimes lord over the youngest of kids like a pair of royalties.”

Jun winced. “Don’t tell me both of them got the DoS gene.”

“Yep, especially Kazuhime,” Megumi chuckled. “Masahiko…not so much, but he’s really loyal to her so he goes along with whatever she likes. But don’t worry, Dad, they’re really a pair of little angels.”

Jun watched as both Kazuhime and Masahiko demanded piggyback rides from Aiba _at the same time_.

“Nope, I don’t think so,” was what their ‘Mama’ could only say.

Over by the mountain of beanbags, Ohno has met all the children he has ‘fathered’ with the other Arashi members, and they were all having fun taking turns in making weird faces at each other. Even Saigo, who at first looked serious, was actually as goofy as his half-brothers. Tomoki simply kept on hugging Kaito and Tomoya throughout the game, although the latter could put him at bay by acting out Ohno’s lines from Maou. Ohno was pleased to learn that all four have interest in fishing, albeit on different levels, and that one time they had a contest fishing carp in the garden pond.

“Who won?” Ohno asked, pulling Tomoki close to him in order to prevent the energetic child from strangling his half-brothers.

“No one, Papa,” Kaito answered. “Yoshinori kept on getting in the way, saying the carps were for drawing and not fishing.”

“What did you guys do?”

“Well, we ended up having a drawing contest with him instead.”

“I’ll get the drawings!” and Tomoki dashed off.

At this point, Takumi did a quick sweep of the room with his eyes and realized that his art class has already dispersed and not one FROSP was doing any paper mache; all of them were playing with the parent of their choice.

“Is it okay if I take a nap?” he asked Masashi, yawning widely.

“I’ll wake you up when it’s time for dance class.”

“I’ll be right by the beanbags if you need me then.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Sho said incredulously. He had moved to the class area and was sitting down on a child’s desk; his baby with Ohno perched on his lap. Three boys were gathered around him, and Sora, who, in deference to his father’s latest drama role, was utilizing his references and stood by his father’s side ala butler.

“Let’s go over your names again, okay?” Sho said somewhat desperately. “Little Yama baby here is?”

“Sakurai Shoichi!” the three chorused.

“Then, Sakuraiba-kun, your name is?”

“I’m Sakurai Shosuke!”

“Sakumiya-kun?”

“For the tenth time, Dad, I’m Sakurai Shoya,” said the boy, and the eye roll that accompanied the statement was too reminiscent of the roles Nino had in Stories that Sho have seen before. Like mother, like son?

“I know, but…well, how about you, Sakumoto-kun?” Sho went on.

“I’m Sakurai Shogo, but why won’t you believe me?” the child asked innocently.

“It’s not that I don’t believe you, but I can’t believe all of you are named after me in the most painfully obvious way!” Sho finally admitted.

“Sora-niichan doesn’t begin with Sho,” Shosuke pointed out.

“But last year he was named Shotaro,” Shogo flatly countered.

Sho sighed. “Fine. Then everyone is called Sho-chan?”

“Nah, you got our nicknames right the first time,” Shoya answered knowledgeably. “I’m Sakumiya, and they’re Sakuraiba and Sakumoto. Shoichi is sometimes Sakurano, though mostly he’s just Yama-chan.”

“They’re not always named like that, it’s just the theme for this year, I guess,” Sora said diplomatically. “Besides, their full siblings do have varied names. We’ve got Ohno Kaito, Aiba Masato, Ninomiya Chika, and Matsumoto Tsubasa, so not everyone is stuck with ‘Sho’ and extensions.”

“Fair enough. But you’re sure it changes once in a while?”

“It should, Dad. Unless the children love it, they’re bound to change names every now and then.” Sora then checked his watch. “Ah, it’s time for dance class. Masa-nii!”

“Everyone, dance class!” Masashi announced, and the children excitedly gathered around him.

Dance class for that day turned out to be learning the final parts of the ‘Mada Minu Sekai e’ routine led by Takumi and Yamato, while Sora was on baby-sitting duty on one corner. Masashi and Megumi have gone to prepare supper for everyone, as the day was drawing to a close. Arashi didn’t have to think twice about joining them for dinner and, like one _really big_ happy family, spent a couple of hours watching dramas in which the Arashi members had starred in before the kids were due for bed.

The hour for sleep has come for the children, so the men helped the FROOSes in tucking in the FROSPs. There were many bedtime cuddles dispensed as the kids drifted off to sleep one by one. Megumi had said that some of the Ninomiya FROSPs actually refuse to go to bed without playing a game or two, but since their parents had come to tuck them in, there had been no resistance of the sort. Arashi finally said goodbye to their eldest children and made confirmations of future visits whenever possible.

“It’s just really great how they all get along, even with the weirdest family tree possible,” Sho commented when they got back to their Green Room.

“All of us have nine kids each, and nearly half of them call us ‘Mama’,” Aiba said. “How cool is that?”

“Guess your random hallway acquaintances did some good after all,” Nino snorted.

“Who knew, huh?” Jun added.

“Then can I bring in more?”

“Goodness, no!”

**— » the end « —**

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Arashi. This is a work of fiction, and any similarities to fanfic plots and characters written or unwritten herein mentioned are purely coincidental.


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